Rebecca Collins

Our minds are very powerful; they can be used for great good, but also great harm. As mentioned in the last blog post, when we are in control of our minds, we can make rational, logical decisions, but when we are not in control of our minds, our subconscious takes over, this is when negative overthinking creeps in.

Counteracting negative overthinking is a battle. “Your mind will resist changing its habitual way of proceeding, of deviating towards excessive thinking, you will be battling with it until you take control, until you win, until you achieve a healing transformation, until you have changed your perspective and developed more favorable habits”.

In SFH we learn how to do this, how to create “more favorable habits.” We do this through explaining how your brain works and why it can get stuck thinking negatively. We empower you with the knowledge you need so you can once again be in control.

When you are in control, it will “mean that you live better, more fully, act when you want to act, and stop procrastinating or refusing to do things you want to do but do not because of doubts and fear.”

Your overthinking can be tamed, and turned into something that adds to your life rather than sap it of enjoyment. You can win.

Quotes from ‘Stop Overthinking – Master your Emotions’ by Philip Gibson.

“I wish I could stop over thinking”, ever find yourself saying this? When we are overthinking, we play a dangerous game and it is a game we rarely win.

It seems logical that we should be in control of what we think, it is after all our mind, but actually when we over think in a negative way repeatedly, it becomes part of our subconscious mind. It becomes habit and an automatic response. This negative over thinking can lead to anxiety, stress and low mood.

In SFH we teach you how to tame your mind so that you are in control. Simply put SFH gives you the tools to retrain your mind to focus on the positive so you can enjoy living your best life.

This quote from ‘Stop Overthinking – Master your Emotions” puts is very nicely.

“If one does not fight to take control of the mind, the mind ends up being in control, and when it is the mind that is in control, it tends to give free rein to negative thoughts as a deference mechanism, activate anxiety as a way of dealing with what it considers to be an imminent danger, even though there is no such danger. Or to make us anxious. That’s what the mind does when we leave it on automatic.”

We need to learn to be the gate keeper of our minds. We need to recognize those negative thoughts and stand up to them. Stop them. How do we do this? One way is by writing down the negative thoughts that normally crop up – then creating a list of positive thoughts that counteracts the negative ones.  Every single time a negative though creeps in, it must be countered. In order for this habit to take hold, repetition is key.

Why do we shy away when we receive a compliment? Why do we find it so hard to be proud of the things we have accomplished and achieved?

I love this excerpt written by Marianne Williamson. It frames why we should be proud of ourselves when we are good at things, that we should not shy away from shining bright. SFH helps people to take pride in themselves and build their self-esteem.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Habits, we all have them.
We have good habits, and we all have bad habits.
Habits are great, but only if they are there to serve us and not us serve them.

These habits lead to us going into automatic pilot for many of our day-to-day choices. This can be very beneficial as we are able to focus on other things that require more thought. Habits are great when they are what is helpful to us now.

However, at times, these habits can be less than helpful. We become entrenched in patterns of behaviour that are no longer useful or beneficial to us.

Once something becomes an automatic habit, they become harder to change, because just like a muscle the neuro pathways that are established become stronger and faster in our brains.

They can also cause issues because when we are faced with change, our brain may see it as an attack of some kind. This means we are often afraid to do anything different or get frustrated when we do have to change. We see this all the time, teens sitting in the same seat in a classroom, choosing the same supermarket to shop at because you know where everything is (we have all had that annoyance when they change things around in the shop), driving the same route even when you know there is a quicker route home and so on. These habits can prevent us from living our best life, we subconsciously sabotage ourselves to avoid any type of change. When we can’t change it is because we are working in the original primitive part of our brains.

In order to create new habits, the old habits, or templates as we call them in SFH need to be broken down and replaced with the new patterns of behaviour we are trying to establish. Note = you can’t just get rid of templates, they have to be replaced.

We can only change these when we are working in the intellectual part of our brain (the prefrontal cortex). In SFH we give you the tools to be able to breakdown old templates and then build new ones. This leads to you feeling more in control and you can create those new habits that are beneficial for you.

Maybe it’s worth a look to see if you are in control of your habits or if your habits are in control of you.

Change your habits = change your life.

This week I have chosen to share a poem entitled “Old Maps no Longer Work.”

The poem talks of change, as humans, we don’t really like change. Our brains are wired to view any type of change as danger, no matter how small, and it does this for our own protection. We store how we react to situations in something called the hippocampus – this is like a giant filing cabinet in our brain. When we are faced with change, we find the file (map) that best fits and then we respond accordingly. Unfortunately, these files (maps) can sometimes be unhelpful. In Solution Focused Hypnotherapy we help clients access these files (maps) and teach them how to change them so that they are in control of how they respond when faced with change, to see the light again.

This poem speaks of the struggle of dealing with change. Enjoy!

Old Maps No Longer Work
I keep pulling it out – the old map of my inner path. I squint closely at it, trying to see some hidden road that maybe I’ve missed, but there’s nothing there now except some well-travelled paths. They have seen my footsteps often, held my laughter, caught my tears.

I keep going over the old map but now the roads lead nowhere, a meaningless wilderness where life is dull and futile.
“Toss away the old map,” she says, “you must be kidding!” I reply. She looks at me with gentle eyes and repeats “toss it away. It’s of no use where you’re going.”

“I have to have a map!” I cry, “even if it takes me nowhere. I can’t be without direction,” “but you are without direction,” she says, “so why not let go, be free?”

So there I am – tossing away the old map, sadly, fearfully, putting it behind me. “Whatever will I do?” wails my security, “trust me” says my midlife soul. No map, no specific directions, no “this way ahead” or “take a left”. how will l know where to go? How will I find my way? No map!

But then my midlife soul whispers “there was a time before maps when pilgrims travelled by the stars.”
It is time for the pilgrim in me to travel in the dark, to learn to read the stars that shine in my soul.
I will walk deeper into the dark of my night. I will wait for the stars. Trust their guidance, and let their light be enough for me.
by Joyce Rupp

What is this?

I want you to think about a time when you have witnessed someone displaying child-like wonder. Maybe you remember their smile, or that uncontrolled giggle, or eyes filled with excitement and joy.

Maybe you have not seen it in a long time or have actually forgotten what it feels and looks like to see the world in this way.

We tend to lose our sense of wonder when we start to make assumptions. Assumptions that we know what things are for and how they should be used. Assumptions about what we should expect and how things will turn out.

But when we stop to make these pre-programmed assumptions, when we stop and choose to see possibilities, choose to see the awe, and wonder in the everyday, then, this is when we can rediscover our sense of child-like wonder.

A little child-like wonder can go a long way toward finding happiness. It can help someone find hope where others don’t. It can also help a person choose to see the positive things in life, regardless of difficulties and challenges.

Ultimately, it’s about seeing that there are possibilities beyond our adult assumptions. Let that child-like wonder back into your life. Who knows where it could take you.

Now, again, without assumptions what is this?
What do you see with your child-like wonder glasses on?

Approach the day with child-like wonder.

The words we use are important. Sounds obvious enough but I want us to take a moment and think about the following.

Perhaps the easiest way to look at this is through an everyday example.

Say, you have a busy week, and someone asks to meet for a coffee, you can say “I can squeeze you in at 2pm on Friday” or you can say “I can make time for you at 2pm on Friday.” Can you see the huge difference in those two responses.

The word “squeeze” suggests to the person that they are just that being “squeezed” in. The language may seem innocent enough but when you dig down below the surface and into the subconscious nuances, you can see it comes across as negative.

Not only does it affect the way they see and view the catch up, but it also affects the way you think. If you are “squeezing” someone in, are you really appreciating them, showing them that you care and want to spend time with them?

When you say that “you are making time” your mindset is different, you are already choosing to make them a priority. Choosing to make the time.

I often say “I’m, sorry I did not have the time to do that” when actually I should be saying “I’m, sorry I did not make the time to do that.” The first denies responsibility and blames it on some other thing whilst the second response is one that owns my choices, owns what I have chosen to do or not to do with the time I have.

Taking ownership of the language we use allows us to be more real with ourselves and those we talk to. We so often just go into automatic pilot and don’t think about what we say.

I wonder if this week we can challenge ourselves to choose our words with more care, to be mindful and present when we are speaking to others. To own what we say and how we say it.

Remember that words are important.

No, a very little word, but one that holds a great deal of power.

In our society we tend to view saying no as negative but saying no does not mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind. These are all unhelpful beliefs that make it hard to say no to certain people and certain situations.

We need to change the way we think about using the word no because when we do make the choice to say no it is empowering and freeing.

Being able to say no is necessary magic. ”No, draws a circle around you with chalk and says I have given enough.”

There is a language pattern that I use to help people to create personal boundaries. The following is an excerpt from this language pattern:

“You are able to let others know where your boundaries are, and you will be surprised by how swiftly people will respond to your new found sense of positivity and strength. You will be surprised to find that people actually admire and respect your focus and effortless command of your own boundaries. And you are surprised yourself at how effortlessly you are able to hold that centre space, feeling good about resurrecting your personal space. Relieved, that you have finally taken back control. You can feel proud of that. You can feel proud of yourself as you learn how to say no.”

Learn to resurrect your boundaries. Get in touch today.