I had never even heard of the term “Spiritual Trauma” until early 2023, but when I did, I finally had a term that I could use to encapsulate what I feel I have been through and experienced over the last 10 years.
This is a really hard topic for me to write on as the complexities and nuisances of religion and faith are deep and wide, but I feel compelled to write this because just like any other type of trauma, it is valid, it is real and it affects many people.
For the first 25 years of my life, I lived and breathed my faith. Faith, not religion. I have never considered myself religious. I was extremely involved in an independent evangelical church in Aberdeen. My beliefs and values were forged there and I believed them to be 100% the iron clad truth.
When I was in it and adhered to the teachings, it was a wonderful thing to be a part of. I have had some of the best experiences of my life in and through that church and met incredible people who I loved and respected.
But… what happens when you start to question those beliefs and teachings? What happens when who you are as a person is classified as a sin? What happens when the beliefs you cherish and that form the foundation of your life begin to eat away at your self-worth, begin to make you question everything you held as truth, begin to destroy and torment you? What happens when a three letter word, turns your world upside down and inside out? What happens when you are terrified, yet brave enough to acknowledge the truth (that you have known for a long time) that you are “gay?”
The tsunami that engulfed me after this moment in my life was overwhelming. One three letter word changed everything. My safe place, the place where love and acceptance is preached, became the place I feared the most. The people I loved became the ones who could no longer stand to look at me, could no longer understand who I was.
I had to walk away from a place that I had poured myself into. I had to walk away from a life that I loved and was loved in. This is perhaps the hardest walk I have ever had to make and it caused me a great deal of distress and pain (more about this in my post from the 6th of June).
I am sure I will write on this more in the future, but for now, all I want to say is that what I experienced was a form of trauma. Spiritual trauma is just that, a form of trauma. Now, I can’t change what I have been through, but I can change the way I let it affect me and have a hold over me.
I share this because many others have experienced this form of trauma, but it is hardly ever talked about, or acknowledged. Well, I wish to acknowledge it. I want to give it a voice and a name. It is an area of trauma that I feel very deeply about, and I want to use the skills I have as a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist to help others who have also experienced this type of trauma.
Spiritual Trauma is real. You are not alone.